Love

He asked, “Do you love me?”
“Yes.” I was distractedly surfing the net.
He asked, “Do you love me very much.”
I gave him a sidelong glance. “Yeeesss…”
He said, “If you love me very much, then…”
“You want me to wash the dishes?” I interrupted quickly. Dishes are the lesser of whatever evil is cooking in his mind.

He tried again.
He asked, “Do you love me?”
“Yes.” I was suspicious and wary.
He asked, “Do you love me very much.”
I narrowed my eyes, blurted a “yes” and bolted out of the door.

It’s the only way to deal with it. I refuse to be emotionally blackmailed into weekly yoga lessons!

———

Long day today
1. Forced to go to yoga. He tried everything and I tried everything and he won at 6.15 am.
2. Picked up breakfast and Lele. Bath her.
3. Cleaned up Lele’s room. It was hard work moving all the paper out. Mostly done now.
4. Laundry
5. Vacuum
6. Went to the Tzu Chi Haiti Disaster Charity Fair.
7. Went to East Coast
8. Went back to Pasir Ris to meet in-laws.
9. Went home to do more laundry. Bath Lele.
10. Played with Lele. Feed her.
11. Fold clothes.

Lele doesn’t want to sleep in her room. She wants to sleep on the platform. Grr.

Self-reflection

I asked for feedback.
I got it.

She said I made her nervous, that I fidgeted, I spoke too fast and my content is anticlimatic.

It didn’t feel good to receive such negative feedback, but I asked for it, didn’t I?

Sigh. Actually, all my life, people tell me I speak too fast whenever I give presentations and that I sound nervous. But I don’t know how to change this!

Got to think about it…

Must feel grateful for negative feedback! Must feel grateful! (Wasn’t easy, but I am grateful ^_^)

LOL

The hubby has a new toy. It’s Torchlight, a RPG game that has received positive reviews.

He usually plays melee characters but this time, he chose a mage.

He flexed his magical muscle by throwing some lightning bolts with his Moldy Staff in town. “Wah! Looks great!

Then I watch in horror as he runs towards monsters and starts engaging them in close combat.

“Why are you whacking them with the moldy staff? You’re a mage, you know!” I shrieked.

There was a pause.

Then he turned towards me with this absolutely brilliant look of enlightenment on his face.

“ORrrrghhh!! HAHAHA! Yeah hor.”

I stared at him.

“Hahahaha… I very long never play this kind of character already you know. YEARS.”

LOL

For this game, players get a pet dog or cat. One of his character has a pet with our daughter’s pet name. The other character (named using his matriculation number) has a pet with my matriculation number. I thought it’s sweet of him.

《茶壶回文诗》

落雪飞芳树幽红雨淡霞薄月迷香雾流风舞艳花
http://pic.wenwen.soso.com/p/20090406/20090406132502-1863336989.jpg

把这首诗写成一个首尾相接的环形，随便从哪一个字念起，随便向哪个方向念，都可以形成一首诗！

Unable to sleep

Because I am on leave
Because I have so much left undone
Because…
I did something I am uber proud of today and need to SHOUT it out to the world, but can’t. Yet.

———–

Did I do much today? Yes!
Checked email.
Had breakfast with hubby at Toa Payoh. Husband went to work.
Went to CPF board to ask some questions.
Went to Bishan Popular to buy stuff for baby.
Bought ridiculously priced stickers for the baby room from Junction 8. Regret.
Met up with hubby and went back to Toa Payoh’s Popular to compare products and prices. Toa Payoh’s Popular is naturally better (because it is bigger). Mental note: do not buy craft materials from Bishan Popular.
Went to Tzu Chi with hubby so that he can settle some admin stuff.
Went to Giant and Ikea. Had lunch. Bought stuffs, but no rug. As JZ predicted. T_T
Went to buy some “engineering wonder” of a fan because husband said that kind of thing makes him go weak in the knees… T_T
Wanted to go to Fo Guan Shan temple for a calligraphy session, but it was raining too heavily.
Reached home in the afternoon. Husband went to work.
Packed the storeroom half-heartedly and briefly.
DID the thingy which I am uber proud of and which took all the way till now. 1.30 am. But it’s DONE. It threw my schedule off but no regrets.

Tomorrow will be one long tiring day of cleaning. I hope!

And no time for homework. T_T
I’d have to take leave again to do homework.

Feelings of stress

The stress of people on the poverty line is different from the stress of people who just wants to do well.

………….

The hubby displayed a lot of confidence in me these few days.

“What about your wife?” people asked.
“She supports me,” he said confidently.
“She must not change,” he said firmly when questioned about our values.
“At most we will just suffer together.”

No doubt, no hesitation. I was somewhat pleased by the depth of his faith. He’s been doing everything. I don’t know what I can do for him.

不求有功， 只求无惑

that was what the teacher of the previous module told us.

A bit unambitious… I don’t agree with it (except when it comes to my exams!)

the lecturer for my current module is a lot more demanding. It will be a stressful three months for me…

after getting the diploma, i think i should pick up a foreign language. Something useful that i can teach the daughter. japanese is too common. I also need to learn how to drive the husband around. And taiji, or yoga, for health.

Will have to see if got spare cash for all of that or not.

Okay, back to studying!

Be gentle in attitude

Be gentle in attitude,
Be conscientious in conduct.

Sometimes, I’m just too anal, and I forget the feelings of others.

Learnt two lessons today.

Interview.
Feedback.

Must be more sensitive to the feelings of others.

小虎儿

He said, “Don’t name the child yet.“

So I only had a pet name.

The date 2nd September had always been a day of celebration. It was his birthday and my mom’s birthday.

But this year, 2nd September, we lost our baby.

If I had named it…

re-evaluation

I had a happy steamboat dinner last night with some very old friends.

two of them told me that they had always thought that i am a strong and independent woman. I felt very surprised. And extremely pleased.

I’ve always felt that i’m not strong enough.

the husband often calls me weak. But i have always felt that only an extremely resilient woman could have survived a relationship with him. even so, one’s confidence does get eroded over time.

So what they said was really affirming and made me feel very happy.

There was a class presentation for my group’s project today.

of the five team members, i put in the most effort and time. However, the one who put in the least effort presented. I was furious throughout her presentation because not only did she not read the presentation notes i prepared, she saboed the group with irrelevant points, wrong information, and the downplay of our efforts.

i felt that the work deserved better and i should have insisted on presenting myself.

But after presentations by other teams, i was humbled. The presenters for two other teams, sean and kai, are VERY VERY good. i know that even if i had insisted on the presentation, i would not have done as well. So if i cannot live up to that standard of excellence, then what right have i to insist it from her?

I may be able to do better than her. But if i were in her shoes and kai was in my team, i would feel terrible if i could not live up to kai’s standards.

So… I realized that i had been very uncharitable…

The secret to happiness, i told pl today, is to have no expectations. I forgot my own advice with the project work. Hopefully i’ll remember it next time.